Shotaiken
by mischief maker 2.0
Summary: -ON HIATUS- Life wasn’t a fairy tale. Sakura had realized this long ago. But the day she became a chuunin, she received some advice that shattered the last little fantasy she’d been holding onto. KakaSaku
1. And It All Comes Crashing Down

**A/N:** This is the first installment in a demented little team 7 universe my brain is creating, but this is not a team 7 fic. Go figure.  
**Warnings:** This fic deals with a sexual relationship (edited to fit TOS) between **Kakashi** and a **15/16ish Sakura**. Don't read if it's not your thing.  
**Spoilers:** through chapter 247  
**Disclaimer:** Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto, not me. u.u

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**Shotaiken  
Chapter 1: And It All Comes Crashing Down**

Her feet moved on their own accord down the dirt road away from Hokage tower. She… hell, she wasn't sure WHAT she felt at that moment. There were too many emotions swirling around inside her. Anger, disillusion, fear even. But mostly, there was disbelief.

Prince Charming on a white horse, the perfect man, the perfect romance. It was all a bunch of crap, nothing more than wild stories to entertain children and shelter them from the harsh reality of life.

Sakura wasn't a child anymore, and she had stopped believing in fairy tales the day she told Sasuke she loved him and he'd left her unconscious on a bench. Love certainly didn't conquer all, and it was ridiculous to think it could live up to such expectations.

Why did they even bother telling fairy tales in a hidden shinobi village in the first place? One could easily argue that shinobi never really were children after all. They certainly didn't stay that way for long. Innocence was an endangered commodity amongst even the young ninja.

All things considered, though, Sakura had still clung to the belief that one particular aspect of her innocence would be exempt from the village's servitude. Sure, she knew eventually…. But they were vague references at best, and she'd assumed that she'd be jounin before ever having to worry about it. Or at least older.

But then again, how often did mission rank suddenly change due to unexpected circumstances?

She eyed the scroll in her hand warily before stuffing it into her rump sack. The mere sight of it was enough to make her stomach churn and her head swim.

Why hadn't someone warned her?

As she brushed her displaced hair out of her eyes, the sign for the pub across the street caught her attention. She considered it briefly before deciding it was just what she needed at that moment, and bartender be damned if he wanted to fuss about her age!

She entered the dimly lit establishment and immediately took a seat at the bar as she tried to ignore the stale air tinged with cigarette smoke. The bartender gave her a questioning look until he noticed the leaf headband holding her hair back and nodded. It was one of the unspoken agreements within the village that shinobi did not follow the usual laws regarding age limits. So long as they appeared adult enough, most places looked the other way.

"What'll you have?"

"I don't care as long as it's strong," she replied, trying to sound like this wasn't her first time ordering a drink as she laid a few bills on the bar. He only raised an eyebrow as he poured her a shot of something transparent. She quickly tossed it back and nearly choked when it felt as if the alcohol were burning completely through her esophagus. After a brief moment or two of fighting the urge to cough with every ounce of strength in her body, she nodded and rasped, "Another please." He shook his head, whether in disbelief or amusement she wasn't sure, but complied before tending to other customers and leaving her alone with her thoughts.

Sakura quickly consumed that one as well, hoping it would take effect soon. She sat there staring at the empty glass in her hand as the effort to keep her worries at bay failed. She really wanted to scream and punch something. Repeatedly.

_Why_ hadn't someone told her?

No one ever told her what it really meant to be a kunoichi. Not before she joined the academy. Not in _any_ of the classes there. Not even after graduating from the academy. Not once had anyone told her the extent to which she might be a tool for the village.

And they all knew. Her parents, her instructors, every little person along the way who helped guide her on her path to becoming a ninja.

Not one of them told her she'd be in _this_ situation, except Hokage-sama. Tsunade never was one to sugar coat things and for that at least she was grateful. While everyone else pretended there wasn't even an issue to deal with, her mentor laid it all out there for her.

This morning she'd told her, "Interrogation is not the only way to get information from someone nor is it always the best method to use. This is part of it. Comes with the territory. You may or may not ever find yourself in a position where you might need to, but it would be in your best interest to be prepared for the possibility. _All_ ninja should know how to use every tool at their disposal, and this is no different. It just happens to be an area where women have an advantage."

Sakura had stood in front of the hokage's desk and just nodded mutely as she tried to not look utterly horrified.

"I'm telling you this now, because as a chuunin you'll be taking C and B rank missions. But you know as well as I do that mission rank is not absolute. The possibility is there, and I don't want you to be caught unprepared."

Sakura had nodded again, remembering team seven's first mission outside Konoha and how ugly it had gotten. The expression on the older woman's face turned to one of concern.

"I also know how sentimental you tend to be." The statement hung in the air, implying so much more. It was as much of an 'I understand' as Sakura was going to get.

And the blond really did understand. She had been through it herself after all, but that didn't change the reality of things. As Hokage, her responsibility first and foremost was the protection of the village by any means necessary as it was for all shinobi of Konoha.

A sad little smile graced Tsunade's lips as she had then dug a scroll out of her desk and handed it to her protégé.

"Contained within this scroll is the absolute _minimum _you need to know about the subject. I expect you to learn it, know it, and preferably practice it. The key is being comfortable enough with yourself and the subject so that _if_ you ever find yourself in that situation, you can use it to your advantage.

"Now obviously, I can't make you do this, but I do recommend it. Just find someone you trust to help you. It may not matter much at the moment, but if they should return, I'd strongly discourage using any of your teammates. Emotions tend to run too high, and I've seen it get ugly a few too many times to condone it. The same thing goes for team leaders. But a boyfriend, a friend… Hell, you can pick up someone from the pub even. That would actually be more like anything you'd run into while on a mission, but if you'd rather ease into it, just find someone you're comfortable with and go from there.

"Also included in the scroll is a jutsu you need to make sure you use beforehand. All the details are in there. Any questions?"

Tsunade watched the blank face in front of her expectantly. "No?" she asked when there was no response. "Okay then. You're dismissed."

Sakura sighed as she absent-mindedly toyed with the empty glass in her hands.

Why hadn't someone warned her of this _beforehand_? Any childish romantic notions she'd been clinging to had just flown out the window with that one meeting. How could she have been so naïve? And what the hell was she supposed to do now?

Sakura promptly ordered another drink.

* * *

A group of men at a nearby table were being overly loud in their appreciation of the newest patron's legs, and it was disturbing the copy-ninja's post-mission wind down. So naturally, Kakashi peeked around his book to see for himself. They were nice legs, he begrudgingly admitted. The problem, though, was to whom they belonged.

'What's she doing here?' he wondered, seeing his underage ex-student sitting at the bar. He'd never seen her in this or any of the other pubs in the village. In fact, he hadn't seen her much at all since team seven had disbanded and the members moved on to new mentors. Since then, he had been spending most of his time on missions. Teaching another team of genin, however unlikely it may be, wasn't something he was quite ready to deal with just yet.

Kakashi, unsure of how many she'd already had before he noticed her, watched as Sakura downed what he had counted as her fourth shot and ordered another one. It wasn't long before she was slumping against the bar.

He sighed. Apparently, she had no plans for stopping anytime soon, and the attention from the neighboring table had yet to cease. Stuffing the latest volume of Icha Icha Violence in his pouch, he wandered over to the bar and took the stool next to hers.

"Funny, I never would've pegged you for a drinker. Is Tsunade-sama rubbing off on you?" he asked, his exposed eye curved in a smile, and laughed when her head snapped toward him in surprise.

"Kakashi-sensei!" She smiled genuinely when she saw him. Even her current mood couldn't sway the happiness at seeing one of the familiar faces she'd been missing over the past two years. It took a moment, but when her inebriated brain finally caught up to his comment, the smile faded a bit. "Uh, I'm not."

"Bad news then?" She nodded but didn't elaborate, and Kakashi appraised her level of sobriety, or lack thereof as it was. Her eyes were glassy, her eyelids were drooping, and her face was slightly flushed. Yes, she was definitely drunk. "Well, I'm sure whatever it is, you'd be better able to deal with it if you could still remember your own name."

She gave him a sad, drunken, and slightly sheepish grin at the reprimand before her thoughts drifted back to the 'what' she'd been trying not to deal with.

"How come no one told me? Why didn't _you_ tell me?" Sakura demanded in a somewhat annoyed tone.

He blinked in confusion. "Tell you what?"

"What is expected of upper level kunoichi." When he continued to just stare at her blankly, she pulled the scroll out of her bag and set it on the bar in front of him. He continued to watch her a moment before he picked it up and opened it.

"Ah," he nodded as understanding hit him. Sakura snorted.

"I understand that we're all just tools of the village. Believe me, I _GET_ it. But when someone advises you to lose your virginity now rather than risk losing it to a mission, I just…. And I see her logic. I do. But damn. It's a lot to swallow, you know?"

Kakashi only nodded, vaguely wishing he'd just stayed at his table. He didn't want to deal with this right now, damn it. He just got back in Konoha and had a lovely day planned none of which included comforting upset teenage girls. Besides, he, Hatake Kakashi, the village pervert, was probably the _last_ person qualified to comfort her on this particular subject. He quickly finished the rest of his drink. He was going to need it.

"She told me to find someone I trust and…. But it shouldn't be a teammate, because it could make things weird. And _shit_, I don't even know why I'm telling you all this. I _must_ be drunk!" She pinched the bridge of her nose before turning and giving him an apologetic look.

"It's okay. I'm a little drunk myself," he replied with a smile that made her relax just a bit. She wasn't sure if she believed him, but it really didn't matter, she supposed. At least he was there, listening to her whining and not making her feel like a big, dumb baby for being upset over the ordeal.

"I know it's silly, but I had always hoped it would be with Sasuke-kun in some wildly romantic setting, and everything would be perfect."

The expression in his eye was one of concern as he replied in that all-knowing way of his, "Sakura, nothing in life is perfect."

"Yeah, I know," she sighed. "Still, I can't see myself just picking up some random person." She shook her head. "Tsunade-sama said it would be easier if I found someone I trusted, but honestly, the only people I trust enough to even _consider_ are ones I shouldn't do something like that with or ones who probably wouldn't want to anyway."

"Sasuke and Naruto," he nodded knowingly.

"And you," she mumbled almost too quietly for him to hear. She didn't even realize she'd said it out loud until she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and had to do a double take at the openly gawking man next to her. "Shit," she grumbled and beat her head lightly against the bar a couple of times.

Now would be an excellent time to die of an aneurism, she decided. Or be struck by lightning. Or spontaneously combust. All were acceptable choices really.

Kakashi was beyond surprised. Him? She'd really considered him? He had to admit, it was oddly flattering, but the fact that she was almost half his age quickly dispelled that thought. Crap, what was he supposed to say to _that_? He absently ran his hand through his hair.

"Sakura…" he began, but she waved him off before he could finish.

"It's okay, you don't have to say it. I know. All I meant was that I trust you. I'm comfortable around you. Heh, _obviously_," she snorted, "since I've just told you more humiliating things in the past five minutes than I think I've told anyone else in my entire life. I know you wouldn't…. Eh, nevermind. Bartender, can I get one more?"

She immediately downed the shot placed in front of her and grimaced. "What would you do if you were me? Because I'm so lost right now. My only choices are so far off limits, and _crap_! I just… I just don't know."

Her hand trembled slightly as she rolled the empty glass in front of her, and Kakashi was extremely grateful she stopped her rant when she did. He didn't think he could deal with a _sobbing_, drunk, underage ex-student who apparently found him suitable to deflower her. The rest was clearly enough by itself.

"You don't _have_ to, you know? The chances of it happening on a mission really are slim."

"I know, but slim or not, I refuse to risk having my first time be with some dirty stranger I was sent to squeeze information from!" The look in her eyes told him how serious she was.

"Well, there are plenty of boys in the village. You shouldn't have any trouble finding someone."

"Yeah." Sakura cringed, growing weary of having this particular conversation with him even in her less than sober state. But then an idea hit her that she hadn't considered before, causing her to completely forget any discomfort she felt with the subject matter. The acquisition of information was much more important. "Hey! If the other purpose of this is to learn how to seduce people, would it even be worthwhile to fumble through it with someone just as clueless as I am?"

"Ah, but the fun is in the practice," he replied, earning an embarrassed laugh and a blush from his pink-haired companion. "This scroll is rather detailed anyway. It should give you plenty of ideas," Kakashi added as he closed the scroll and set it back on the bar.

She groaned as she rested her forehead on the cool, wooden surface in front of her. "What am I going to do?" The question was more directed at herself than anything, but Kakashi answered anyway.

"Well, first things first, how about I walk you home? If you don't normally drink, then it won't take too many of these to make you sick." He held up one of her empty shot glasses and shook it faintly. 'And you're going to be humiliated enough once you sober up without the addition of you puking everywhere,' he wanted to add but didn't. She nodded and, grabbing the scroll, slid off the barstool less than gracefully.

Her body was angled weird, and her feet slid out from underneath her as soon as they hit the floor. Luckily, Kakashi caught her elbow and managed to keep her from landing flat on her ass. Reflexively, her hands latched onto anything they could reach which happened to be his green vest.

"Thanks," Sakura groaned in embarrassment as she got her feet back under her.

"Let's just get you home."

She nodded and allowed him to lead her to the door. Kakashi was thankful she did not hear the drunken complaints from the table of men who were clearly misinterpreting the situation.

Once outside, Sakura took a deep breath of smoke-free air and sighed. How people could stand that all the time was beyond her. Kakashi still had one hand on her back and the other holding her elbow as they began their journey down the street.

"I'm not _that_ drunk, you know." She smiled up at him as he relinquished his hold on her arm and slid his hands into his pockets.

"Ah, sorry."

With that, their walk slipped into a comfortable silence with the exception of the slight dragging of her feet. She was too engrossed in her own thoughts to even notice when they finally stopped in front of her house.

"We're here," Kakashi said, startling her out of her introspection.

"Oh. Thanks. I'm sure you have better things to be doing than putting up with me and my fit of drama." She suddenly felt bad for putting him out even though she was extremely grateful to have someone to talk to. He shrugged.

"It's nothing. You should take something now to help with the headache you're probably going to have in a little bit," he replied with a smile. She nodded.

"Okay. Thanks again, sensei." Sakura watched as he pulled out his dirty book and began walking back in the direction they'd come from.

"See you around, Sakura." He waved as he found the page he was looking for.

The pink-haired teen sighed and went in the house. For once she was thankful her parents had taken a vacation for a few days without her. She wasn't really in the mood for answering questions as to what was wrong and why she was drunk. Although Inner Sakura was just itching to tell them in very vivid words _how_ their lack of disclosure was affecting her.

After depositing her sandals at the door, she dragged her lethargic body into the bathroom where she located the aspirin. Cupping faucet water with her hand, she took three of the small pills and splashed her face with water.

"What a shitty day," she mumbled as she shook her head. "I don't even know why I'm surprised. We're paid to weed, protect, and assassinate. Why not whoring as well?" she snorted in disgust as she grabbed the towel off the rack and dried her face.

Sakura glanced through the doorway of her room. Her futon was calling her. The whole ordeal had worn on her nerves so badly. All she wanted to do was curl up and go to sleep. She pulled off her shin guards and collapsed on her bed.

Instead of sleep, though, she did what any girl would do when confronted with the unexpected dissolution of her childhood. She cried.

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_TBC_


	2. At Try at Acceptance

**A/N: **I haven't forgotten about this. I've just been distracted. Gotta go where the muses tell me to, ya know. Thanks everyone for the great reviews and reminder emails. I do very much appreciate them and hope to not take as long with the next chapter.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Naruto, and unfortunately, that includes Kakashi's sexy ass.

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**Shotaiken   
Chapter 2: A Try at Acceptance **

_"A shinobi must keep emotions on the inside no matter what the situation. You must make the mission top priority, and you must possess a heart that never shows tears." – shinobi saying #25 _

Sakura awoke to the churning of her stomach, the aching of her head, and the stinging of her eyes. Sweat was pouring out of her, and the room felt like it had turned on its axis and was spinning out of control.

She didn't make it to the bathroom before her stomach began emptying itself.

When it was over, as she was hovering shakily over the bathroom sink rinsing her mouth out, she flooded her body with healing chakra to stave off the next wave of nausea she felt coming. Or tried to anyway. The chakra just wasn't behaving the way it normally did. It took a few minutes, but eventually she felt…well, not _okay_, but at least she wasn't going to erupt into a spewing mess again. She grabbed some towels and went back to her room.

Sakura had to turn the light on to see and for the first time noticed the sun had set while she was sleeping. "How long was I out?" she wondered aloud as she dropped the towels over the mess, content just to let them soak it up for the time being, and made her way to the window. The sky still had a few pink-tinted clouds scattered among the couple of stars that were beginning to appear. Normally, she'd be eating around this time.

Inner Sakura snorted derisively. 'I'm not eating anything tonight!'

She walked back over to the vomit-soaked towels and with a foot, slid them around to clean up the stray drops that had been missed before bending over to pick them up. The smell that wafted up with them was almost enough to make her start gagging all over again.

"Oh no," she groaned, taking a deep breath, and quickly carried the towels at arm's length to the bathroom. After dropping them in the sink to be dealt with later, she grabbed the air freshener and sprayed it generously all over her room. The floor really needed to be mopped, but feeling the way she did, she decided that it, too, could wait until later. Or tomorrow. Whatever.

Sakura felt drained both physically and emotionally. Numb. She lied back down on the futon and allowed her thoughts to drift back over the past twelve hours.

'This…' _sucks_, Inner Sakura finished, 'but it isn't the end of the world. No one's going to die, we're not going to war. And Tsunade-sama really is trying to help me.'

Rationalizing away her worries probably wasn't the best way to tackle things - she was quite justified in being pissed off actually - but it did help, albeit marginally. The urge to cry was no longer there at least. The situation itself still angered her to no end, though.

'I really am just a tool of the village. We all are.'

She sighed. That certainly wasn't news to her – Kakashi himself had told them as much that day at the graves of Zabuza and the masked boy – but being slapped in the face with this new qualifier just reinforced the fact.

"Kakashi-sensei," she groaned, remembering their conversation at the pub. "Of all the things that could've happened…" Her head fell into her hands as she shook it in disbelief.

"He _knows_! He knows all of it. I showed him the scroll. I told him…" Her eyes grew incredibly wide as she replayed the events in her head. "I told him I'd considered _him_! Which means he knows that I had thought about him like _that. _At least long enough to consider." The room spun, and she thought for a moment she might throw up again.

Two deep, cleansing breaths later, Sakura's body was back under control, and she was back to her tirade.

"What am I supposed to _say_ next time I see him? 'Oh hey, sorry 'bout that day at the pub, but at least I didn't try to jump you!' Yeah, that'd go over really well," she snorted. "Oh no. And then I _whined_, whined like a little kid. He'll never take me seriously as a shinobi now."

Again, she was forced to take several deep breaths to keep herself from hyperventilating.

"Okay. He didn't freak out on me. That's a good thing, right? He did seem a little uncomfortable, but I would _hope_ that would make him uncomfortable! Maybe it won't be so bad. Maybe he'll act like nothing ever happened. I was drunk after all. I can't be held _too_ responsible, right?"

She was trying so very hard to convince herself, but sadly, her denial just wasn't as strong as her common sense.

"Ugh, maybe I should just avoid him for another couple of years. Hopefully he'll have forgotten about it by then."

Sakura closed her eyes and began rubbing her temples.

"Freaking out isn't helping anything right now," she told herself. "It's _Kakashi_-_sensei_, for crying out loud! He reads hentai walking through town. I'm sure stranger things have happened to him than last night. Besides, he didn't really seem upset once I explained things. And he was rather matter-of-fact about my… task."

Her face fell at that. Apparently it was nothing out of the ordinary for teenage girls to serve their village _that_ way. Sakura's thoughts turned to the kunoichi in Konoha. There weren't as many as the male shinobi, but there were still a fair number of them.

Tsunade-sama, Shizune-san, Kurenai-sensei, and Anko-san were all jounin. It was safe to say they'd all been through it, along with many, many others, and yet, they were proud to be shinobi. They didn't quit over the few distasteful areas that came with that title.

Sakura sighed as she stared up at the ceiling, having the distinct feeling that _this_ was one of those moments she'd heard people talk about. "'Life moves ahead whether you want it to or not. The least you can do is take charge and make things happen the way you want instead of sitting back pretending that life _isn't_ happening to you.' Was this what you had in mind when we had that talk, dad?" she asked the air around her with a sarcastic laugh.

Her eyes then shifted, settling on the picture of team seven on her nightstand. Her teammates were scowling at each other as they almost always did. One had gone to a madman for power, while the other trained to bring him back despite the fact that Sasuke had almost killed him.

"We lost our innocence some time ago, didn't we?"

A sad smile graced her lips as she ran her thumb over the frame before reaching over to her bag. Sakura pulled out the scroll Tsunade had given her and with one last sigh, began looking over its contents.

'Whoa! Kakashi-sensei was right. It really is detailed!' A blush crept across the tops of her cheeks as she continued to read. Could she really do _that_? Yes, she decided with a resolution she didn't quite feel, she would.

Her mind began to drift from the contents of the scroll to the males in her life. Someone was going to have to fill this particular roll with her. It was time to try a few out mentally, she supposed, grimacing slightly.

Sasuke was gone. "Not that I really had a chance in hell of that happening anyway," she snorted. "If it were for the sake of a mission, though…" No, she scolded herself. There was no point in thinking like that. He defected; it was possible she might never see him again.

"Besides, the last time I saw him, I declared my love for him, and he said, 'Thank you,' and left me unconscious on a bench. Thank you! What the hell kind of reply is that anyway?" she grumbled.

Naruto - and the idea of being intimate with him was still not one she really liked, but at least she trusted him not to hurt her or be a dick afterwards or anything - was still training with Jiraiya-sama. No one knew when they'd be returning. Not to mention the fact that she knew he had some sort of feelings for her. It would be unfair for her to ask that of him, getting his hopes up in the process, when she didn't want a relationship from him.

"Again, not _here_," she growled to herself. "Let's move along to some _actual_ choices, shall we?"

Shikamaru, and he… well, he was next on the list anyway, since they crossed paths rather often at Hokage tower and had developed a bit of a rapport in the past couple of years. The problem was that he was sort of but not really attached to the fearsome kunoichi from the sand village. 'Who is already a jounin,' her brain added. It was likely he'd been a guinea pig of sorts already, but yeah, maybe taken. Hmm.

The other boys she had gone to the academy with she didn't really have feelings for one way or the other. Sure, they weren't total strangers, but they were little more than acquaintances. As far as she was concerned, they _barely_ ranked higher than strangers.

Sakura almost mourned the fact that she'd never had the chance to get to know Hyuuga Neji, because he was just as hot as Sasuke-kun. _Oh, yeah!_ Inner Sakura whole-heartedly agreed. Though she was regretful to admit there was something mildly disconcerting about the white-eyed genius. _Like the fact that he can see parts of you you'll never see, and he doesn't have to take your clothes off to do it?_ Inner Sakura added. Yeah, that.

Lee? No. Not a chance in HELL. He was very sweet and caring and chivalrous and trustworthy and everything she _should_ want in a candidate. Unfortunately, she might be able to ignore his eccentricities enough to return his friendship, but she wasn't about to get within 100 meters of him without his horrible, green jumpsuit on. It had nothing to do with his looks either. It came down to the fact that his level of devotion downright _scared_ her. She had the sinking suspicion that if she were to proposition him, the first thing he'd do would be to run and ask her parents for permission to marry her. And that was the _last_ thing she wanted to be thinking about right now, she decided with a shudder.

And Kakashi-sensei. "I can't believe I told him I'd considered him!" The idea made her want to implode. "I am never drinking again. Ever."

Her thoughts stayed on him, though. What she'd said was true. She was comfortable with him, and interestingly enough _could_ see herself doing this with him. The idea almost made her laugh at the same time. It was so weird. She was just a little girl to him, and really, age differences usually freaked her out something fierce. But there was just something different about it when it came to him. Maybe it was his slouch and his lazy, aloof demeanor in non-battle situations or the fact that other than his extensive fighting experience, he didn't really _feel_ much older than herself. Well, most of the time anyway, she thought, admitting that even he had his moments. Maturity truly was an interesting thing.

And maybe, just maybe, it had a tiny bit to do with the way he was a lean and graceful man of few words, just like a certain someone she could name. 'Hmm, maybe that's just the type of guy I go for,' she wondered before quickly shaking her head of the thought.

But it was hard to ignore the nagging inner voice that kept insisting that really, considering the purpose of all this, did any of that matter? She wasn't looking for a boyfriend – try as she might, she wasn't quite ready to let go of Sasuke just yet – just someone to help her take the next step of her training and not turn into a slobbering stalker afterwards. Who would be better suited for such a task than her emotionally-detached, previous sensei?

_Who happens to be the biggest pervert in all of Konoha_, Inner Sakura added enthusiastically. _You know he could show you things that Tsunade-sama wouldn't dare put in that scroll! _Sakura blushed again.

'Okay, this is totally warped,' she admonished. 'I shouldn't even be thinking about him. I need to find someone who's actually willing.'

But again, she was right back where she started. She could easily find someone willing, but there were only a small handful of people she'd be comfortable enough with to even ask to do such a thing, only two of which were currently residing in Konoha.

Sighing, she considered Shikamaru again. If he and Temari were only casually seeing each other, would the fan-wielding kunoichi still try to kill her? Were they even seeing each other? It was just a rumor after all. If so, would he be willing to keep it from the deadly blonde?

She groaned. No, she would most definitely _not_ ask him to cheat on his girlfriend and keep it from her. She wasn't that selfish. But if they weren't seeing each other… She made a mental note to be nosy and find out.

* * *

The next morning, _after_ she finished cleaning the messes she left in her bedroom and the bathroom that is, Sakura reported as usual to the Hokage's office for training and to 'help out as needed' as Tsunade had once described. It wasn't as bad as it sounded really. Most of it was just organizing and paperwork, but occasionally, she got to assist with surgeries at the hospital. True, it was actually part of her training, but it was a hell of a lot better than practicing on fish or healing surface wounds.

Reaching her destination, she found the blonde at her desk nursing a nasty hangover. For a fleeting moment, Sakura wondered if it was the result of their meeting the day before. The idea was rather endearing, but then logic slapped her upside the head, making her snort inwardly. Since when did Tsunade-sama need a reason to drink?

"Morning," she greeted softly as she made her way to the desk at the far end of the office. "What did you want me to start on first today?"

Tsunade forced a smile and pointed to a stack of scrolls on a nearby table. "I have some new surgical techniques I want you to read up on, so you can start practicing them tomorrow."

Sakura couldn't help but smile. "I'll get right on it," she replied excitedly as she began to gather up the scrolls intent on taking them to the unused office around the corner that she'd unofficially claimed as the Haruno Sakura study area. It worked out good really, since she technically didn't have clearance to be privy to most of the Hokage's meetings but also didn't have to go all the way home only to come trudging all the way back each time she got stuck on something.

Sakura was almost to the door when, as an afterthought (or so she hoped it appeared anyway,) she turned and asked, "Oh, Tsunade-sama, is Shikamaru expected to stop by for mission assignment today?"

The Hokage looked at her intently, and Sakura wondered if it was because she was digging into village business or if the blonde already suspected her motives. "He is," she finally answered in a bland tone.

"Oh, good. Would you mind sending him down the hall afterward? I need to speak to him." She tried to be nonchalant about it. 'Don't fidget and don't look away, damn it!' her mind screamed, but it was hard to stand up to Tsunade's scrutiny. She was made Hokage for a reason, after all.

Luckily, she didn't have to wait long. The older woman rested her chin on her interlaced hands and, with raised brow, replied simply, "As you wish."

And with that, Sakura slinked off before her mentor could ask her any questions she probably already knew the answers to.

* * *

A few hours later found Sakura elbow-deep in scrolls with the eraser end of a pencil in her mouth as she tried to recall the sequence of steps to repairing a punctured lung when Shikamaru appeared in the doorway.

"You wanted to see me?"

She jumped and disrupted the balance of some of the scrolls on the table, sending a few of them crashing to the floor.

"Shikamaru! You startled me," she laughed nervously, hiding the chewed up pencil amongst the rest of the clutter.

"Sorry. Guess I could've knocked, but the door was wide open," he said, nodding toward the door in question; his expression told her he thought the idea was clearly troublesome. "What's going on?"

"Oh. I'm just doing a little reading." She tried to smile; this was perpetually bored, old-man-in-a-teenager's-body Shika. They'd had dozens of conversations just like this. There was no reason for this one to feel different. It shouldn't feel different. _Why_ did it have to feel different?

"A little?" he asked, eyeing the mess on the table before him.

Sakura shrugged awkwardly.

"So…" he drawled and rocked back and forth on his heels, hands stuffed in his pockets. "You need me for something?"

"Oh!" she exclaimed, suddenly realizing why he was looking at her expectantly. "Um. No, not really. I was just wondering if you would mind having lunch with me?"

He shrugged. "Can you go now? I have to be somewhere in an hour."

"Sure, just let me pick things up first."

A few minutes later, the pair was sitting side by side at a food stand a few blocks away.

"So, how've you been? I haven't seen you around lately," Sakura asked before taking a bite of her rice.

"Well, they keep me busy with missions most of the time."

"Yeah, Tsunade-sama's a slave driver. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I had a whole weekend off," she commented before taking another bite. It wasn't an entire truth, but it was close enough. Burying herself in work hadn't helped her forget that her teammates were gone unfortunately. She squashed the thought and, getting back to the conversation, swallowed nervously. 'I'd be a terrible ninja if let this opportunity pass,' she told herself. 'Just ask. Get it out and over with.' She took a deep breath. "Soooo, if you're gone so much, I guess that doesn't leave much time for you and Temari-san, huh?"

He gave her a sideways glance before answering. "She's not my girlfriend."

'Oooh, so far so good.' Inner Sakura was thrusting her fist in the air and yelling, _Score!_ "I didn't say she was, but you guys seem to be together anytime she comes to Konoha which is quite often, I've noticed," she replied with a devious smile. "Come on. You can tell me. She's after you, right?"

"Gossip? Sakura, I thought you'd be above that." She was very thankful his voice sounded amused instead of annoyed.

"Phooey, it's not gossip when it's from the source! Besides, I'm not like Ino-pig who'd spread it all over the village in an hour. I was just curious." She mentally patted herself on the back for making it sound so inconsequential. 'Now if he'll just talk for once without me having to drag it out of him.'

He lazily took another bite of his food before finally giving her some sort of an answer. "It's…. complicated. When she's here, she wants to spend time with me, but we're not really together."

"Except when you are?" Sakura supplied, trying to grasp what he meant.

Shikamaru nodded. "It's too troublesome to try to categorize."

"Yeah," she agreed as she stared down at her plate. It really wasn't making a lot of sense to her yet. It sounded casual, but there was something in the way he spoke of it that...

"So why'd you really ask me to lunch?" His direct question interrupted her thoughts, and Sakura found herself unable to come up with a lie, instead responding with the first thing that came to mind.

"What?"

"You could've found all that out from Ino, so why come to me when we've never been particularly close?"

'Because this is hard enough without being subjected to her teasing,' her mind answered. He was watching her again, and she had the distinct feeling he was analyzing every little twitch. It made her wish she could just disappear into the background. Sakura instead waved a hand dismissively and hoped he'd buy her response.

"Bah! You know how she is. She'd just tell me some wild story. I mean, have you _heard_ some of the rumors going around? Some of them are quite colorful, and I don't doubt she started half of them just to annoy you," she chuckled.

Shikamaru gave her a bored look. "Troublesome is the word I'd use, but yes. And it's hard not to notice when everyone you know brings them up at every chance."

Sakura winced. "Sorry," she replied, giving him an apologetic look.

He shrugged and made a noncommittal noise. "I suppose it's natural that everyone finds it amusing. Luckily, Temari does, too."

"Oh yeah? Which one's her favorite? Mine was the one where she threatened those girls in the bathroom during the last chuunin exam when she overheard them talking about you." Sakura grinned widely over her chopsticks.

"Hn," Shikamaru nodded. He looked at her a moment as if deciding something before he picked up another bite of food. "That one actually happened."

Having no response for that, Sakura let an uncomfortable silence settle between them as she instead focused her attention on her food.

"Have you heard from Naruto lately?" he finally asked. She was thankful for the subject change, although a better subject would've been nice.

"No," she sighed as her shoulders slumped slightly. "He wrote me once. About a year ago." Smiling to herself, she shook her head. "It was little more than him griping about how much worse the 'perverted hermit' was than Kakashi-sensei."

"That sounds about right," he replied with an almost-amused snort.

"Yeah." She smiled at the thought of her noisy teammate making a nuisance of himself when he felt neglected. She hated to admit just how much she missed that.

Silence fell between them once again, but this time it was a more companionable one.

* * *

As she headed back toward Hokage tower after Shikamaru excused himself on the grounds of needing to go to some 'troublesome thing,' Sakura mentally ran through her options once again. 'Shika's a big NO!' she thought with a frown. Best case scenario was that Temari liked screwing with people's heads thereby fueling the active rumor flames. It wasn't a situation the pink-haired kunoichi wanted to come anywhere near. And that's not even bothering to consider the worst case scenario which was just as bad as she imagined it could be.

That meant her only options were the boys she didn't really know all that well. She sighed as she kicked a rock and winced when it lodged in the side of a nearby building.

Neji was about as approachable as…. Well, she couldn't quite figure out what to liken his demeanor to. Shino was just creepy. Kiba… Kiba had that wild, hyperactive nature that kind of reminded her of Naruto. She grinned slightly at the thought.

Kiba, she decided, was a feasible option. Akamaru was going to have to stay outside, though!

* * *

Sakura was once again elbow-deep in medical scrolls in the spare office down the hall from the Hokage when another visitor surprised her. This one, however, she had not been expecting. Nor was it anyone she _wanted_ to see at that point.

"Kakashi-sensei, what brings you here?" Outwardly, she only looked slightly uncomfortable. Inner Sakura was having a mild panic attack, though. _Too soon, too soon. Ack! Be cool, damn it! _

"Well, I saw this cute little mouse scurrying down the hall, and I followed it here."

'Ah, this old game,' she thought fondly, finding herself wanting to cling to its familiarity in this long day of weirdness. It didn't stop her from rolling her eyes, though. "I didn't fall for your lame excuses even when I was twelve, you know."

"Ah, yes. But it was so much fun to tease the three of you."

She knew he was smiling. Her only response was to make a face as he took a seat across from her. _Sadistic freak_, Inner Sakura huffed.

Slowly, his smile faded, and she found herself once again on the receiving end of a long, searching gaze. And really, she'd had enough of them for one day. It immediately put her on the defensive.

"Are you okay?" he finally asked.

"Fine. I slept it off," Sakura answered flippantly, and Kakashi watched her another moment. She met his gaze unflinchingly; irritability had a way of boosting courage after all. He then seemingly accepted that this was the only answer he was going to receive, and with a quick nod and a wave, he was gone.

Sakura buried her face in her hands and exhaled loudly. 'What the _hell_ was that?' her mind screamed. 'For _Kakashi-sensei_ of all people to go out of his way to check on me like I'm some little child…' It made her mind spin momentarily. 'I am the Hokage's apprentice. I'm not going to break just because my job got a little more complicated!'

She felt her resolution harden into something she hadn't quite felt before, not even when she vowed to help Naruto bring Sasuke back. Sure, she'd meant the words, but she could never completely rid herself of that tiny shred of doubt unfortunately. But this… This was something all her own with no outside variables to get in her way. She _would_ see this through to the end; Haruno Sakura was a kunoichi, and she was damn well going to prove it to everyone!

* * *

_TBC _


	3. Try and Try Again

**A/N:** There's quite a bit of KibaSaku in this chapter. Hey, she's trying. She really is.  
**Warnings**: Some lime, although nothing too graphic.  
**Disclaimer:** Nope, still don't own it.

* * *

**Shotaiken  
Chapter 3: Try And Try Again**

A week had passed, and Sakura found that her daytime routine had pretty much returned to normal. No more questioning looks from Tsunade-sama. No more Kakashi-sensei dropping by to check on her, and for that, she was grateful. Her evenings, however, were filled with studies of a new sort.

She understood the basic (and a few of the more complicated) mechanics of sex - medical training, a few books demanded by teenage curiosity, and a friend who more often than not tended to give _way_ too much information about her exploits had already made sure of that. It was the subtleties of inexperience that Sakura knew would be her downfall. She had no idea how to approach someone, much less seduce him.

The formal kunoichi training at the academy had consisted of cooking, flower arranging, and other bits of garbage that, unless she went undercover as a servant or by some stroke of good karma married Sasuke-kun and lived happily ever after in domestic bliss, were utterly useless. Etiquette and subterfuge - things that in her opinion _all_ ninja should know in varying degrees - were the only worthwhile lessons Sakura had received from it. Not that she'd ever really used them either, but at least she could see where they'd come in handy.

It seemed the real kunoichi training was a less formal, more esoteric occurrence as Konoha did not _officially_ teach its young girls the best ways to seduce and kill; It was a matter of security clearance that was apparently given on an 'as needed' basis. The scroll she'd received from Tsunade was the only one of its kind that Sakura had ever seen, and she had no idea if it was written specifically for her or if it was passed from kunoichi to kunoichi. She didn't really feel like asking either.

Reluctantly, Sakura decided the information contained within it was invaluable. She'd spent the past week scouring over it, absorbing everything she could. The nonverbal cues, the various role types different men went for, when to be subtle and when to be direct, fetishes - although, some of them she could've done without _ever_ knowing about actually; all of these lessons filled her conscious thought as she sat on a park bench, quietly observing her target.

She only hoped she didn't fall flat on her face during execution.

Sakura's eyes continued to peek over the top of the newspaper, a prop she'd purchased from a vendor shortly after catching sight of the person she'd been looking for. It was, after all, more practical to pretend to have an innocent reason to be there than to bother hiding from a ninja who had heightened senses at his disposal.

As her eyes drifted over the dark-haired teenager playing with his now massive canine companion nearby, an interesting thought occurred to her. 'He's actually not too bad in the looks department.' The realization shocked her. When had her opinion of Inuzuka Kiba changed from stinky dog-boy to mildly hot? She couldn't deny it, though, when he jumped, and the action caused his jacket to ride up revealing the taut muscles beneath.

She swallowed audibly, imagining those muscles tense and ripple as she… A ball landed at her feet, interrupting her thoughts, and she only had a moment to brace herself before a hundred-plus pounds of fur and slobber collided with her and the bench as he dove for the toy. Sure, she could've leaped out of the way, but this was exactly the opportunity she'd been waiting for.

Although, when the bench toppled over backwards and the freight-train of a dog ended up in her lap, Sakura decided that maybe she should've thought that plan through a little better.

"Akamaru!" Kiba called as he jogged toward them. "Get up," he scolded, pulling him off of her. The animal whined at the reprimand as he quickly scrambled off of her and sat down next to his master. "Sakura? You okay?" Kiba asked with a note of surprise in his voice.

She took his outstretched hand and allowed him pull her up onto her feet. "Fine. He just surprised me. I guess I was a little distracted," Sakura answered with a slightly embarrassed smile. How many chunnin get plowed over by dogs after all? "He's gotten so _big_!" she exclaimed, reaching over to scratch Akamaru behind the ear.

"Yeah, he's strong, too," Kiba proudly stated. "He just gets a little over-excited sometimes when we're playin' around."

Akamaru made a noise in the back of his throat that Sakura interpreted as possibly insulted. Not having spent much time with ninja dogs of the non-speaking sort, she wasn't sure, but it wasn't a happy noise, that much she could tell. Smiling, Sakura just scratched some more.

"So, you two have the day off I take it."

"Yeah. He wanted to come by the park for a while, maybe meet a few bitches, since we'll be gone for a few weeks."

Sakura's eyebrow twitched, her brain tripping over the word 'bitches' until she finally put it into context and understood. Dogs. Right. 'Wait, gone for a few weeks?'

"Mission?" she asked curiously. When Akamaru barked in response, she couldn't help but jump. He was somewhat frightening when you were right up next to him.

Kiba chuckled a little at her reaction before answering. "Yeah, we leave in the morning."

Sakura nodded as she began to process everything. This was a setup she could work with, she decided. It would give her the distance she wanted afterwards at any rate. She swallowed nervously; it was time to put to use all that she'd learnt.

Letting her gaze trail up him slowly before settling on his eyes, Sakura tried very hard to exude a confidence she most definitely was _not_ feeling right then and asked, "Did you have any plans for the rest of today?"

It was impossibly hard not to look away, especially when Kiba's eyes widened a fraction. He recovered quickly, though, grinning wolfishly as his eyes pinned her to the spot. If her heart rate wasn't already flying a mile a minute, it most certainly would've been then.

"I'm open to suggestions," he replied lowly, the grin never leaving.

Normally being on the receiving end of that look and tone aroused nothing but indignation within Sakura, and to some extent, it did this time as well. But she smothered it as quickly as she could. 'He's interested; that's a _good_ thing. It puts me that much closer to completing my goal,' she told herself.

And that was when her traitorous mind imagined his eyes roaming over her unclothed body with the same expression on his face. Sakura resisted the urge to shiver.

He was watching her, his head cocked slightly to the side, and Sakura then seemed to realize he was still waiting for some sort of answer. 'Oh, shit. Now what?' she thought nervously. She felt herself heating up and hoped beyond all hope that she wasn't blushing. "I um… Well,… Would you like to…uh." _Stab me with a kunai, please? Good grief! I've turned into Hinata_, Inner Sakura groaned.

Kiba chuckled lightly, the intensity of his gaze softening as he did. "How 'bout we take a walk?" he asked with a genuine smile as he nodded toward the dirt path that circled the park.

"Yes," Sakura firmly replied, _knowing_ her face was red by that point. "That would be nice."

The two chatted about Sakura's medic training, Akamaru's improvement, bizarre missions (non-classified, of course), and even a few of the more entertaining rumors circulating the village which she mentally apologized to Shikamaru for afterward. She found herself truly enjoying Kiba's company. He was warm and friendly, and thinking about it, she had no idea why it surprised her really. Regardless, she was thankful to be able to relax somewhat around him.

Sakura couldn't help but watch as he laughed loud and deep with a level of abandon she couldn't remember ever having. It was a beautiful sight. He glanced over, noticing the way she was watching him, and grinned.

She wasn't really surprised when he bent down and kissed her softly, since she'd done everything she could to invite his advances: the slightly longer than necessary eye contact, touching his arm as they talked, leaning into him as they walked together.

Nor was she surprised when he leaned into her and deepened the kiss, coaxing her tongue to play with his. It was her first kiss; she should've spent more time to dwell on that, but instead, Inner Sakura was busy doing a victory dance and yelling _I'm in! _

She did surprise herself by the boldness of her next move, though. Breaking the kiss, she looked him square in eye, and, before she could chicken out, asked, "You want to go somewhere?"

If he was surprised, he hid it well, because Kiba only raised an eyebrow. "Somewhere?"

She thought perhaps he was playing with her – he was grinning again, after all – but she just wasn't sure. 'Do I play along? Should I spell it out for him?' Mentally wincing, Sakura decided to just go with the middle ground.

"You know," she whispered as playfully as she could and snaked a hand around his waist and up under the hem of his shirt where her fingers brushed lightly over the skin they found. "Away from the others." She let her eyes scan over the park and its patrons before settling back on his face, hoping it was enough to make her intentions known. There was no way she'd be able to actually _say_ it. This was probably as bold as she could go anyway. As it was, her heart was already pounding against her ribcage so violently, she was certain he could hear it, too.

Kiba simply smirked and took her hand. "I know of a place."

* * *

Sakura wrinkled her nose as she glanced around the cabin. There was dust everywhere, but it did offer some privacy from passerby's unlike the middle of the forest. It wasn't as if she could bring him home or anything, and she assumed the situation was similar for him as well. For a moment, she wished they'd just sucked it up and gotten a room at one of the inns. 'The rumors it would start might actually be worth it,' she thought bitterly. There would likely be a few anyway due to their little moment in the park.

Suddenly, she found herself between a wall made of rough-cut pine and one rather predatory looking Inuzuka Kiba, his hand planted next to her head blocking the escape route to her left.

"So," he drawled, "Any particular reason you wanted to go _somewhere_?" He grinned, exposing a mouthful of sharp teeth.

This time she _knew_ he was playing with her; unfortunately it didn't make her next course of action any easier. Sakura only swallowed and nodded, unable to find her voice right then.

'This is a mission,' she told herself. 'I'm a kunoichi. I can do this.' She reached up and grabbed the pull of his jacket and slowly unzipped it. He allowed her to slide it off his shoulders and take in the sight of his mesh-covered torso a moment before he leaned in again. Kiba kissed her deeply; the full length of his body pressed up against hers as his hands dove into her hair and angled her head where he wanted it.

She tried to concentrate on the sensation of his tongue sliding against hers, the feel of his body, and _not_ the faint scent of dog that was trying to invade her senses. Her hands gripped his shoulders, noting how the thick muscles there tensed and shifted.

He released his hold on her head and wrapped his arms around her waist. A noise unintentionally escaped her throat when one of his hands slid down to her ass and pulled her roughly against him. Some place deep within her belly slowly began to forget about the scroll, Tsunade, Kakashi, future missions, all of it as a tingling warmth slowly filled her. For the first time that day, the jittery feeling in her stomach wasn't just anxiety; it was actual arousal.

His lips cut a path down her neck as his other hand began toying with the zipper on her top. He pulled it down slowly, exposing her collar bone where his mouth quickly descended, down past her breasts, and eventually off to the side. Brushing the material off to the side, he cupped her breast, slightly grazing his thumb over the peak. As she felt her nipple harden in the wake of his touch, Sakura sucked in a breath.

A dozen thoughts swirled in her head, the most prominent being how surprisingly good it felt. His knee slid between her legs just then, as if to emphasize her thought, causing his thigh to press against her aching core. Gasping, she automatically ground against it without even thinking.

The next thought that danced through her consciousness, though, was guilt. She wasn't supposed to _like_ this, was she? Sakura knew women often enjoyed sex – even she was no stranger to the occasional instance of self-exploration. But she wasn't supposed to like being pinned against a wall in a dirty, abandoned building and being groped and teased by Kiba, a boy she barely knew. She wasn't supposed to _want_ him to do more, to crave his touch.

Her bra was tugged aside and that hot mouth was then on her breast, lightly sucking on the nipple. She moaned and clenched a fist in his hair as the other tightened on his shoulder. She wanted more, so much more. Sakura squirmed, trying to find more friction from his thigh, and he answered by flicking his tongue repeatedly over her tightened flesh. She gasped and pulled his head closer. Oh god, she wanted it, needed relief so bad it almost _hurt_.

This was nothing like what she'd experienced before. Those times in the shower or late at night in her bed had been lazier, a slow, manual build up that eventually teetered over into pleasure. Unlike those times, she now felt lightheaded and her entire body seemed to be electrically charged as Kiba's mouth continued to tease her. It was almost like an influx of chakra surging through her. She idly wondered if it felt the same for him.

Then suddenly, it was gone. 'Why did he stop, damn it!'

Kiba stepped back and grinned as he pulled his shirt over his head. Leaning her head back against the wall as she took a few deep breaths to calm down, she watched a rather nasty scar on his stomach twitch as his muscles bunched and pulled. Sakura noticed the fine line of hair below his navel that disappeared under his pants; for some unknown reason, it made her want to giggle. 'Maybe stress has made me delirious.' The thought made want to laugh even more.

The pause in the activities helped clear her head a little, and the guilt over what she was settling for - and that's exactly what this recommended mission was about, settling now so that she didn't feel _completely_ violated later - came quickly tumbling back like a tide, taking a few pieces of her resolve with it. Wasn't her first time supposed to be special? It was hard to feel special with someone she didn't know very well who was openly leering at her, not gazing at her tenderly as she had always imagined this moment would be.

When he grabbed her wrist, though, she shoved her doubts as far down as she could and let him guide her toward the futon in the corner. 'I'm a kunoichi. I can do this.'

Stopping in front of the dusty bed, Kiba turned toward her and slid her shirt off her shoulders. He leaned down and kissed the sensitive skin just below her ear as his hands snaked around her back and made quick work of her bra. When it dropped to the floor and he leaned back to look her over, Sakura felt her self-consciousness rear its huge, ugly head.

Before she even had time to dwell on it, though, his hands were on her again, unbuckling her skirt as the low, husky voice in her ear gave her brain something else to panic over.

"Touch me."

Sakura blinked owlishly as Kiba's lips danced along her shoulder raising goose bumps as they went. "Huh?"

He chuckled lightly as he grabbed her wrist and placed her palm on his crotch to emphasize the request. "_Touch_ me," he repeated before nipping at her ear.

She could feel his erection through his pants, and it kind of scared her if she were to be completely honest with herself. This was uncharted territory. All of it was actually, but _this_… There was no going back after this. She was about to have sex with Kiba in a dirty, little shack, with his dog outside.

A few more pieces of her resolve crumbled.

Sakura closed her eyes, gathered what little scraps of courage she could find, and timidly gave the bulge in her hand a little squeeze. Kiba groaned appreciatively next to her ear, and the slight aching returned between her legs at the sound. She was loath to admit that those small bursts of arousal were probably the _only_ thing still keeping her there. This was a lot harder than she'd thought it would be when they were laughing together earlier in the park, especially now that he was rocking his hips against her. _Like a horny dog, _Inner Sakura snorted.

When he started kissing her again, she ran her other hand through his wildly spiky hair, noting how interestingly similar it felt to Naruto's. It would be so easy to pretend she was with him instead of Kiba. And it would probably make doing this easier if she did. Her noisy teammate cared about her, and she could admit that she cared about him as well, even if it wasn't quite the same. It was a simple decision really, and her mind went to work quickly conjuring a scenario that would fit.

Sakura imagined she was on a mission with her old team. She and Naruto were securing a place to stay for the night and had gotten a little distracted. She could easily picture the cheeky grin on his face as he nuzzled her neck. 'Sakura-chan,' he'd begin to say, but she'd get a good grip on his butt and pull his hips against hers to shut him up before he said something completely stupid that would ruin the moment. His incoherent noises sounded a lot more interesting anyway.

She tried to tell herself that the smell of canine was just from the cabin or maybe from one of Kakashi-sensei's summons, but it was hard to convince herself. Details, she needed more details. His leg was shoved between hers once again, and she delighted in the wonderful friction it created. 'We need to hurry,' she'd tell him. 'Before Kakashi-sensei and Sasuke-kun come back with din...'

Well, that did it.

A whirlwind of emotion swarmed her as that one, _damned_ thought flittered through her head. _Sasuke-kun_. She might as well have dumped a bucket of ice water on herself.

Kiba's fingers slipped under the edge of her waistband, and instantly, her hands closed over his wrist, halting his progress. He pulled his lips away from her neck, and the image of his dark eyes peering at her questioningly would forever be burnt into her brain, she thought.

There could be no more pretending after that. When he slid the hand out of her shorts and up to her breast, she was unable to keep from flinching that time. The rock-hard wall of her resolve had finally withered to dust.

"I… I can't. I'm sorry." Unable to meet his gaze, it was all Sakura could say as she shoved past him and hurriedly gathered her things. She stuffed her bra and skirt in the pouch strapped to her leg and threw her shirt on as she ran out the door.

She didn't look back.

* * *

"Ugh!" she screamed in more than one type of frustration. "What the hell! I was _right_ there! Why did I have to freak out?" She punched the tree next to her and sent it sailing, knocking down two more in its wake. She ran over and stomped _through_ it a few times for good measure.

"Only a little while longer and it probably would've been over with." She kicked another upright tree and with a satisfying crack, it too toppled. "Ugh!" she bellowed again as she took off running once again, stopping only to destroy the occasional piece of landscape.

By the time Sakura made it home and collapsed in the comfort of her bed, the anger and frustration had long since been burnt off. All that remained was her shame. Failure was not something the young kunoichi accepted lightly. It ate at her like an infected wound that festered and oozed and begged to be picked at. She'd failed to stop Sasuke from leaving. She felt massive amounts of guilt from Naruto's near-death experience in trying to fulfill his promise to her.

And now this.

Kiba was a nice, cute boy who seemed to want her to enjoy it, too! He didn't just tear her clothes off and jump on her at least. Sure the setting left something to be desired, but not everything can be perfect.

'So what was the problem?' she wondered. 'I'm probably not going to get a chance like that again.' The thought made her stomach turn, but it was the truth. Who was left out of the people she somewhat knew that hadn't already been ruled out?

Chouji? Chouji was so damn nice that it made her cringe to think about using him like that. It would be like doing something perverted to a teddy bear, not that the idea really made any sense to her, but it was the feeling it left her with that counted. He just didn't come off as a sexual creature to her for some reason. He reminded her of the wise monks she'd seen pass by the village on occasion who regarded nature as its own miracle and were utterly at peace with the world.

'If I couldn't go through with it with Kiba whom I _was_ able to think of like that, there's little hope of being able to Chouji.'

Gaara? She shuddered. Gaara made Shino look like the friendliest guy in Fire Country. Besides, the psycho had almost killed her, her teammates, _and_ Lee. She quickly reprimanded herself for even allowing him to slip into her thoughts.

"Ugh, it's hopeless. Maybe I should try to pick up one of the jounins from the pub after all," Sakura grumbled in despair. "Not all of them know who I am. Maybe I'd be able to save myself some embarrassment that way. If I'm lucky, one might hit on me, and I could just go with it, let it happen."

There was that Genma guy everyone talked about. She'd overheard more than a few women gossiping throughout the village about his 'oral fixation' as one had worded it. She tried not to blush at the implication. He was known for getting around, though, which was a little off-putting, but that only meant she had a chance with him, right? Or would he turn her down because of her age?

Sakura groaned and buried her face in her pillow. Who was she kidding anyway? She couldn't even let it happen with Kiba! Not for the first time in her life, she wished she was a little more like Ino.

Why couldn't she just let go and ignore the need for it to be with someone she trusted and cared for even if it were just a little? Things would be so much simpler, easier. She sighed, not wanting to admit that somewhere, deep down, she still hoped for her first time to be special. With someone she knew would take the time to do things right and show her all of what the experience could be. Not wasted on someone she barely knew.

* * *

_TBC_


End file.
